ArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWardsArghhhhWards

Welcome to the . ArghhhhWards show in history

a tribute to people and companies who make a difference...

As a new feature we TRY to validate as HTML DTD STRICT! a nerd level of homepage creation...
Last time we validated we had 293 errors... Nobody is perfect :-)


first the commercials...or should we say counters, statitics etc. etc. etc (page down for real content!!!)








ArghhhhWards

Best internet viewing tool ArghhhhWard of 2000
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
Microsoft and Internet Explorer for delivering proprietary technologies as an answer to de-facto standards, combined with over-exploitation of market-leader capabilities in the operating systems area. The jury's special price for 'incredible amounts of persistent errors in several releases and versions of one product' goes explicit to Internet Explorer and the programming team behind... - The jury's 'best joint venture' prize goes to the two 'best friends' Microsoft and Sun Microsystems. Sun for not making Java code public, Microsoft for not including Java in their products...
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2000 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Best internet graphic ArghhhhWard of 2000
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
All users of 'under construction' signs for having misunderstood the nature of 'world wide web' and the internet, to a degree approaching the limits of possible human understanding.
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2000 ArghhhhWard ® © show


All IiiNnnFfffOoooo ArghhhhWard of 2001
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
All of you from all of us for making whatever you imagine available on this, god almighty, internet, making it impossible to search, UN-useful, and still the most interesting "thing" since they invented the steam engine... Keep on putting info "on-line", from now on and forever....
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2001 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Best text handling product ArghhhhWard of 2001
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
All office pack and text processor software producers for each making their own (secret) format for storing a simple text and it's attributes, making it impossible to read anything written, without having a special piece of software. A special price to Microsoft for having delivered 5 consecutive versions of their cash-cow product 'Word', each being more or less non-compatible....
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2001 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Best use of new opportunities ArghhhhWard of 2002
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
The music (and entire entertainment industry) for completely ignoring the opportunities and ALL, as one, acting like a schoolboy, not in the ballgame, just because people use the possibilities (sorry, we at dooley.dk, only has a 56K modem, so we've never been on Napster or Kazaa or whatever peer-to-peer programs are named from here on to eternity). Note, that this ArghhhhWard is NOT given to support a 'make it all free' attitude. We fully support the effort of contributing to balance in the pay-back to artists. The ArghhhhWard is given to a industry, that seems to think that THEY create the art and culture, but in reality they are only a distribution channel, like anything else, for artists. So, we are a little !^#%, over the fact that we still love to give $5, not $15-20, for a sleeve and a nice package, and, according to this industry, we are the almost only one in the world. Of course, if you expect us to buy every kind of crap you put on a CD, and pay more than maybe a max. of ten cent, we will let the reader decide, who is the idiot. As we see it, the majority of the industry has spent 99% of their time, during the first wave of the internet revolution, putting old catalogs on 'Greatest hits' compilations, or 'digital remastering' VHS tapes to DVD, most likely with at profit bigger that you can imagine... A special prize to all those "record companies" who fly in private lear jets, and still think I should pay all of the ride... Guy's THAT show is over...(if you don't get up to date...)

CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2002 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Incredible hot air baloOn ArghhhhWard ArghhhhWard of 2002
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
80% of the CEO's, Middle-O's and employee's in the IT industry for being 'full-finished', self-EGOcentric 'IT-experts', acting like they know everything about everything, and sometimes also about their trade. The 20/80 rule fulfills precisely in this area; 20% makes 80% of the work. The 80%, making nothing, at their best, prevents the 20% of making the remaining 80% upto 100% of the work. That's why all IT projects are 80% delayed, with 20% chance of costing 80% more. The special prize is given to all those people with the ability of convincing them self's that they make a difference, or even make a decent day's work, just sitting in front of their monitor, looking at important strategies, making word documents and spreadsheets, tapping on the notepad, booking important meetings and a note to remember to buy milk at 7-11 on the way home, of course late in the evening, making a 4-colour print of a graph, downloading something, look like they contribute with something that can only be revealed on important 2 hour's meetings with as many as possible people, wasting their time, looking on powerpoint foils, not showing what we do, and how we get better at that, but what we COULD do and most likely (80%) never will, because of 'no-pay-back', 'not-our-area' or simple 'market-competition'.
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2002 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Browser specific demands for websites ArghhhhWard of 2002
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
Webmasters who display 'sorry, best seen by... or only access by... browser xxxyyy' for having seen the real thing about world wide web (as long as we're a part of it...). At Dooley.Dk we thanks those brains for giving us the oppotunity to spent half our time updating some irrelevant software like a browser to a new or another version or model, just because they dont have the talent to code their HTML so it can be understood by, at least, the browsers that comprehend to standard HTML. Here are our littel private list (from our Danish jury) of candidates for our special prize: www.boligguiden.dk, www.jubii.dk, www.dba.dk, www.gf-forsikring.dk, www.p-pladsen.dk, www.teambenns.com, www.danskgolf.dk, www.gis1.aaa.dk. By the way, despite the warning, the sites often still works okay..., well, the last lazy negative IQ webmaster has not yet been born... actually I thought that CEO's and those kind of money focused people long time ago, took control of B2C relations and ways to meet customers... apperently not...
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2002 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Paused Progress bars ArghhhhWard of 2003
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
Setup guy's and programmers for letting the progress bar reaching 98% and then stay there at least twice the time it took reaching 98%. One of my progress bars reached 98% after 30 minutes and was not completed 2 hours later (it ended, ok...). Did'nt you took any math classes ?. Progress is'nt a matter of time but a matter of work. It's projection of workload to a timeline. This is why all computer projects is in a permanent fase of 'being almost finish'. Get real !. Take defensive approach and calculate not on what you can produce but what the total can produce, according to the 'weakest link in the chain'. Why does history repeats itselfs ?.
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2003 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Exploitation of e-mail functionality ArghhhhWard of 2005
And the ArghhhhWard goes to...
People using 'out of office' auto-reply function in email clients. Just for pointing out the incredible waste of time and information being consumed by this 99% irelevant function, here's a couple of real life examples we've received, which forced us to read 2 mails, without any real content: "I will be out of the office starting 31-10-2005 and will not return until 01-11-2005" and "Thank you for your email. I will reply to you as soon as possible". Sorry, I actually expect you to answer, or at least read, my mail as soon as possible. On the other hand I wont expect you to make an excuse for being out of office from october 31'th to november 1'th, as long as you are in on office hours... Mail is'nt chat. And therefore not being expected to be answered in a few hours or even days, of course depending on the situation. Use the phone or other instant messageing systems for urgent information! You are on the edge of being catagorized as a mail spammer....
CEO and COW (Chief Operating Witness) Dom E. McLumberJack Esquire, The Swindlers Saloon Syndicate Incorporated, at the 2005 ArghhhhWard ® © show


Point of views...(the blog before blogs where invented...)

...just some text, because we needed to do SOMETHING. Since smashing the computer, yelling loudly or other fustration activities, did'nt seem very much like a solution, we wrote this...


The OS war
Stated april 1996

...or how to react when the system crashes in the middle of something important...


Well, since April -95, I have had a personal computer, I've always looked on windows 3.x as the most amateur interface created to a computer. Still, I cant deny "the lowest common factor", which have resulted in a 80% plus world-market share for windows 3.x. And after that, by god almighty, he manages to sell millions and millions of Win95. I admire you, Bill, in some way. I'll admit, Win95 is a great system, but it just have reached the level of OS/2 warp, no ten years after, but at least 3 years later. By the way, OS/2 isn't "god's gift to the women of this world" (quote Lou Reed). At home I run both systems, plus a nice little DOS-partition, optimized for all the good old games. It cost 300 Megs but gives a faster disk-access, a possibility of having two 10 megabyte presentations in the air. And you can guess for yourself which gives what. The F...... conclusion about PC OS's is that is that the one feature they all deliver from version 1 is crash guarantee . So the only solution is to make your own perfect backup system. Personally, I scratch the hard disk, as often as every 2 to 6 month, also to clean up the F...... files in the windows/system directory. That's also an efficient way to test, that your backup cover it all...
My god, that was nice, I already feel more comfortable. Great, Good, Godious







A computer solves all your problems
Stated may 1997

...or how to react when your cant get anything productive done but your operating system works...


Since the personal computer had it's breakthrough i the mid-eighties, a gigantic industry had emerged around this wonder box. I believe that, not the system crashes, that it does everyday, but the industry crashes not more than 2 years after year 2000. Not because of year 2000, but because major firms like Intel, Microsoft, Oracle, CA and IBM will no longer have ideas that are good enough. Maybe you have the office pack version 188 or ThermoWindows 2000 on your brand-new 10 GigaHertz, 6 Giga Ram, 1.7 terabytes hard disk, 25 inches (like television has been for ages) monitor, but now on flat screen on the wall, where you can order a view on the original Mona Lisa, if you pay 10 cent to Bill Gates (he's a survivor).

But still, like today, if you don't have at master degree in microelectronics, you will live on the phone (invented approx. 1910) to the hotline.

Conclusion: as long as the (almost only) vision of the firms is to double the power or possibilities every 18. months, we will see another wall street breakdown, sooner or later.

A funny result of the "unlimited" power available is, that new programs gets bigger and bigger and take every bit of instruction out of your computer, no matter how new and big it is. A result of this is that for example Microsoft Works 2.0 offers the same basic features like Smartsuite 96 or Office 95. The first one runs easy on a 80286 and takes 4 MB hard disc space, the second two would like a least 16 MB RAM and +150 MB hard disc space....

The point is, that the firms don't really know what they can use this thing called computer for. Therefore they fight on promising everything and nothing, every time a new product hit's the road. That only works as long as "the people" wants it to work...
My god, that was nice, I already feel more comfortable. Great, Good, Godious





The sins of Internet Homepage Design
Stated june 1997

...or how to get physical body damages from surfing...


HTML, the language behind this, and 80 million other pages on the internet, started by being the internet version of BASIC. Now, in version somewhere around 3.2, it has ended up in being an interpreted BASIC like language pulling every instructions out of your PC, no matter how big the machine is. Any page who's calling itself a page on the internet, has 3 animated gif pictures (very often without any relation to what subject the page is addressing). Then there's frames, the worst thing invented since folders and subfolders and subsubfolders, not to mention subsubsubfolders. Who, firm or private person, has so much to say that it demands chapters and subchapters, not to mention subsubchapters. It's just confirms me, that 80 percent of the screen space is not interesting. There's the "this page is under construction...". F... Y.. everything is under construction over a period of time. If not it's dead.... So please use the space to something more giving information. There's "Unable to start MIDI, WAV or whatever" ...
Need I say no more....?
My god, that was nice, I already feel more comfortable. Great, Good, Godious





The sins of Internet Homepage Design
The worst things you can do...
Stated april 1998

...or why I quit your page before I've seen it...


PUT JAVA ON YOUR START PAGE. Java, in all kind of variations, is a great tool on the internet to make intelligent and smart dialogs with the user. I'm just tired of waiting 2 minutes for a java applet to load, and then it's just a text saying: "Welcome to my page...". Put it on pages where you have information to serve in the applet, and never on the frontpage.
USE FRAMES ON YOUR PAGE. Frames is a very good element to use if you have tons and tons of material in different categories to serve to the world. BUT, one thing about frames, that I hate, is most browsers disability to, at once, use the PageUp and PageDown keys to scroll on your page. In almost all browsers you have to click on the wanted frame before you have the focus, then you can scroll without using the mouse. This is a discussion of religion, personally, I use frames, but only on secondary pages.
PUT "MOUNT EVEREST SIZE" PICTURES ON YOUR START PAGE. Let's state the fact: I love graphics, the more the better. BUT, I hate page's that load slow, and graphics is a slow loader. I want text and those things I can read while all the wonderful stuff is being loaded. So, test your, especially startpage, pages on slow connections and evaluate how the page is shown in the load phase.
My god, that was nice, I already feel more comfortable. Great, Good, Godious





The hardware demand...
Stated august 1998

...or why it sometimes is faster to write a letter with pen and paper...


My hobby-hardware (Percy) was in 1995, a state-of-the-art intel 486-80MHz, equipped with the incredible amount of 8 megabyte RAM. This should be enough for any program made on this side of the millennium !.... Beside this the machine had a 14" monitor and a 850 megabyte hard disk. When I started to investigate the world wide web and develop our homepage in the spring of -96, my modem was a 14.400 bit per second, again state-of-the-art data transmission. It downloaded an entire 1.44 megabyte diskette in less than 5 minutes !. Still, it was hard at that time, to find any program as large as 1.44 megabyte. 6 month later, in the late 1996, Percy got a 2-speed CD-ROM drive and a 16 Bit sound card with 2 four watt speakers, multimedia was reality. A year later, in 1997 I joined a Delphi "code guy" education program and the 150 megabyte of Delphi 2.0 didn't like my 8 megabyte of RAM. When the upgrade was over Percy had 32 megabyte of RAM. . This should be enough for any program made on this side of the millennium !.... As this is written, in the late summer of 1998, my 2-speed CD-ROM drive is off-line (dead !) (nowadays a CD-ROM is a must !) but on the other hand my modem is now a 28.800 bit per second and as long as ordinary people connect via telephone lines not much more bits can be squeezed out of the copper-cables. Well, maybe it's time for a new motherboard...(this statement will be valid the rest of my life). So today's software draw nails from my machine. If yours is smaller....
My god, that was nice, I already feel more comfortable. Great, Good, Godious





The survivers of the Browser battlefield...
Stated november 1999

...or why HTML isn't the HTML it was meant to be...


In the early days (1996) of the world wide web (one of) the unique thing was that you could publish a text and then know that anyone in the/this world could find the URL and then read the text. Suddenly my text wasn't only for the people in the middle part of jutland, in a country called Denmark (which someone for a long time thought was the capital of Sweden, IF they knew (and know) where Sweden is...) - suddenly my text was available for a potential of 6 billion people !. Then "the Gates" decided (was forced) , in 1997 that, the next thing he just had to own was the Internet - 500 programmers, all masters of copying code, was paid to make a clone of Netscape Navigator. Well, that okay - money makes the world go around. To make a long story short: over a period of 2 years, Internet Explorer (IE) was the, without doubt, most used browser in the world. And when this is written it's without doubt, also, the most unreliable, unsecured and proprietary interface product the world has ever seen. But nobody seems to care, as long as they can make their banking transactions and buy books in a browser. To me, it looks likes as, if I was to buy a car, and didn't care if there was an airbag installed, just as long as the sign saying "AIRBAG" was in the car. When I wrote my first HTML tag in December 1995, HTML was fairly simple, the version was approaching 3.2 and everything looked like a revolution towards getting a common "language" interface that all of us could use to interact with. Bill, I blame you (and I know you don't care...) for some of the guilt, that HTML nowadays is more complicated than reading a word -97 document without having Word installed. You started the destruction of HTML... - or more correct, you started the destruction of the presentation of HTML - Well, done is done. The result of your aim, Bill, to earn more money (at that time you only had a few, 50+, billion dollars...) and preserve Microsoft was: The world lost a great chance for developing a common interface and you lost a chance of getting in the history book, as the guy who made "the interface" avaiable to mankind, not because of money, but because it was a mission. HTML is approaching just another slow interpreted programming language, looking very much like BASIC, and C is faster..., so forget it... Bill, beside all of your political correct charity, couldn't you have donated just a little bit to the effort of giving everybody the same chance of communication. Instead you crushed Netscape. The good result of that was and is, that the browser source now is open source, like linux. Unfortunately they haven't got anything on the right track, yet - I suppose they use more time discussing the art of cascading style sheets, that the time it would take programming and distributing a all-use-free basic version 1.1 browser and e-mail client supporting, for a start HTML 3.2. A last word to you Bill, you look like a smart guy, can't you see, you'll lose the browser war, again... Now we need a guy (or girl) like Linus Thorvalds to guide the "kernel" development of "the language and interface of us all" - WHERE ARE YOU ????????. I miss you...
My god, that was nice, I already feel more comfortable. Great, Good, Godious